It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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