I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
sex in a hospital.. check
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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