your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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