i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
