Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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