Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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