To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The best revenge is premature balding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
