Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
