Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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