i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
