Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
