Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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