I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
