it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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