Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
