Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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