I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
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