I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
