Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
