my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
