just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
