I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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