when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
