Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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