My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
