The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
