One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
