med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You took a bar mat shot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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