woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
