dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
