That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
