look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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