If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
