Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She needs sedatives and a leash
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
