so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
