shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
