My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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