i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's blow job season.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
