I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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