Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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