When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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