i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
