:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
