I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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