At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
