OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
