names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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