how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there is glitter all over my balls
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
