No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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