I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
