We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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