I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
