My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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