that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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