Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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