the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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