Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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