Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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