she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
