Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
