You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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