Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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