somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
