someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Terrible idea I love it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
