i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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