We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize