He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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