The maid of honor just puked.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
