I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
