Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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