So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
